One last desperate search in Brum for a chicken Balti pie sees me heading to the Aston Expressway Tesco in search of nothing more exotic than a chicken balti pie to round off the day. THERE ARE NO FUCKING CHICKEN BALTI PIES TO BE SEEN! Absolutely bugger all, the best I can muster are Jamaican patties costing a trivial 70 pence. What’s a pattie? Well, according to the wrapper it’s tender pieces of meat marinated in the vibrant flavours of traditional jerk recipe including spices, onions and scotch bonnet peppers. For the last bit alone: BRING IT ON!! Or as Paddy McGuinness might say: let the jerk see the chicken! Except it’s beef. There is a very different type of crispy all-shortening tantalising texture to the pastry. There is not much depth to it but lovely content. Beef. Spices. Chillies. Socks well and truly blown off. It should come with a health warning as it appears to blow torch a hole in my nose through the roof of my mouth as I chomp into it. The cheeky buggers have only given it two out of three chillies on the front, crikey!